One of the hardest lessons I am learning is to see people the way God does. From the overly-talkative cashier, boundary-challenging family, micro-managing employers, inconsiderate acquaintances, judgemental friends, obnoxious neighbor, strong-willed children, imperfect husband, misguided authorities, and back to my own tendency to over-analyze everything, God is showing me new levels of grace and love.
I'll admit, I don't get why he wants to love us humans, but I am so beyond grateful that he does. The lies of happily ever after and callings have done a lot of harm. Spreading this notion of reaching a place of grandeur this side of heaven is utter nonsense. Movies have set people up with false expectations: Life is fair. Relationships are magical. Parenthood is fulfilling. Success is... You have to laugh or you will cry. The truth is none of life, relationships or parenthood are beautiful without a lot of help. Life is often unfair and struggles are brought to our doorstep to shape us into who we need to become. Not through our victories, but more often through our mistakes or "failures" we grow and learn. Relationships are riddled with miscommunication and unfaithfulness(physical, emotional and/or spiritual), so we can see God's unfailing love in dramatic contrast. Without the Spirit's intervention, I don't know how people stay even remotely "happily" married. I am convinced you don't make it to the golden years without a heck of a lot of growth, grace and surrender on all sides. You have to learn to be in relationship with others and it includes laughter, pain, and forgiveness. Parenthood brings you to the brink of insanity regularly, requiring you to seek forgiveness for your failings. Each generation brings new challenges that swing the balance of raising narcissists or unhealthy codependency. You do your best, but everyone knows the first child is the practice child, the middle child doesn't get enough attention and the baby is spoiled. Good luck. My prayer from the beginning is that I do as little damage as possible to those entrusted to me and His grace covers the rest. In short life humbles you in a big way or you spend it miserably striving for perfection that doesn't exist. Surrender to the inevitable and ask for help, so you can pass what remains of your life with some semblance of peace and hope.
0 Comments
This last year was more of the same in a lot of ways and completely different in others. With the arrival of election season our world went Topsy-turvy. Corona & Lock-downs Murder Hornets & Dust Clouds Riots & Ridicule Cancel Culture & Masks We continue our learning, but our trips to the beach and park were curbed by our state's attempt to protect people. I won't get into politics here, but know that ethics and critical thinking will be huge in next year's topics! Enjoy a glimpse into our year with the video montage below. We are gearing up for the next season of learning with two students in elementary and one in middle school! Ever-learning - Meg I love conspiracies! The intrigue, the mystery, and the subterfuge all appeal to my personality. Currently, in 2020, we are over a month into the pandemic or Covid-19 mess. Stay-at-home orders and social-distancing have become the norm. Peer pressure to protect those immuno-compromised has paved the way for shaming healthy individuals into a quarantine lifestyle leading to the shut down of our economy. This pandemic has been given multiple names: COVID, Covid-19, SARS-CoV-2 and has sparked weird labels like social-distancing, essential-businesses, essential-workers, essential-activities. Despite unclear descriptions of these terms, but the implications are clear. Some people are more important than others! Stickers are appearing on the grocery store floors to herd us like cattle. X's are stamped for our compliance. Glares ensue for going out without medical masks. Fear and control are the order of the day. Public services and locations are closed to the public. First restaurants took the hit, restricting dine-in options. Crowd restrictions canceled all sporting events and conferences of any kind. Schools, beaches, parks, and paths were closed. Unemployment, only months after our government's announcement of success in creating jobs, is now in the millions thanks to the "essential workers" mandate. BUT Whistleblowers and conspiracy theorists are on the rise, with doctors and nurses suggesting ventilators purposely blowing out people's lungs and deaths caused by other things are being counted toward this supposed pandemic. So many people are explaining how the numbers quoted by the "experts" aren't adding up, In the midst of all this, more people are slowly awakening to the realization that in fear we've allowed our constitutional rights to be taken away. Regardless if you believe this is an elaborate hoax, a planned-demic or legitimate deadly virus, we all are forced to cope. Here are a few methods! 1 - Quarantine buddies! Having one other family to share life with has helped immensely. With kids about the same age, movie nights, shared dinners in the backyard, laughing over board games and corn-hole tournaments have kept us sane. Being able to physically hug a friend and share a glass of wine or a cup of coffee gave us a little taste of normal. (Yes, we were under the recommended amount!) Isolation can be a dangerous thing, so choose your community carefully. 2 - Hammocks in the backyard! I nearly cried when they closed down our beaches. It still makes no sense to me because our small county was perfectly capable of not overcrowding the beach. I am thankful to have a big backyard with hammocks. Reading books and being out in the fresh air is essential to me. I know not everyone has the option, but try and make it a daily practice to soak up some Vitamin D. It is so essential to a healthy immune system! 3- Moving! Bike rides, yoga and lots of walks around our community have helped me not gain weight despite spending more time at home eating my feelings. Unknowns can seem scary at times, but I do not need a quarantine-15 or tyrrany-20 on these hips. Movement is essential to a good quality of life as well as reduces stress. 4 - Guarding my Mind! If you haven't noticed that you are being lied to by the news media then I pray you awake soon. The fear-mongering and outright lies are blatant! The constant barrage of repetitive negativity is not healthy. Turn it off! Misleading skews of numbers is draining. I look every so often to stay informed, but I don't need to be updated all day long. Watching a comedy and reading an uplifting book does way more for my emotional health. 5 - Faith! This will not last forever! I may not be able to control the outcome of this craziness, but I can control my inner peace. I can also choose not to be silent about evil. Lies are evil and I will not tolerate or spread them. I will continue to trust that God is in control and choose peace to reign in my mind. I hope you are finding ways to cope with the craziness in our world today. I hope you share them with me in the comments below.
NOT THE BOOKS!
If you are anything like me, then books might be a tender topic when it comes to minimizing. The smell of books and the adventure they carry you on can make you sentimentally captive. For many years my goal was to collect books, but the tide has shifted. I was recently asked for tips and took it as a sign to write this blog post. SEASONS Holding the bedtime storybook I read to all of my children, the emotional ties made want to hold onto it forever even though no one wanted to hear it anymore, including me! I have held onto a few of my favorites that I plan to read aloud to my kids as they mature. I also keep some uplifting books that I reread occasionally. It is okay to preserve some special things, but when it becomes a whole bookshelf worth for each person in the household, it might be time to reevaluate a little. Are we keeping books out of guilt, fear, sentimental obligation, or because we truly use and enjoy them? BOARD BOOKS It is a childhood right of passage to pull books off the shelf, but when it brings mom to tears regularly, it's time to make a change. Picking up the same pile, over and over again, gets old. My inner librarian needs books to be treated gently or reverently, and that was not happening because they were toddlers! To save my sanity during the season of littles, I moved all special books high and strewed only a few of the chunky board books at a time. Then I could breath a sigh of relief. Through birthdays and Christmas, we collected more and more books. I kept having babies, so I saved them to read to the youngest. During those years, I hoarded books, but now that my youngest is no longer a toddler, the first to go were the board-books. I became aware of how my belongings weighed on me and was ready for a change. The kids didn't often object to giving books away. I was the one with the attachment. The perpetual what if mentality plagued me for a while. They had already moved on to the bigger and better titles. If someone did happen to object, we would do one last read aloud and set it aside. After a week, it was inevitably forgotten, and I would donate it at our local library while mentally reassuring myself that we could always borrow it back. Immediately afterward, I felt lighter allowing our books to bless others rather than collect dust. FIRST READERS My youngest is a boy, so next to go were all the early readers that didn't catch his interest. Barbie and other girly readers were looked right over; he wanted superheroes! We were able to bless other families who had girls and my shelves are more under control. Once he graduates, his first readers will be passed onto friends as well. SERIES I was hoping my girls would love Harry Potter as much as I did. After number three, their interests waned. I am still holding onto it for my boy in case the series works its magic on him. The girls have discovered other series, and I had to come to terms with that. Classics are great but getting stuck in the past isn't. Forcing them to love all the series that I did as a child is ridiculous, instead, I am cultivating a serious library addiction. CONCLUDING TIPS The more we let go, the more we have room for. Sometimes, it is best to wait and see if anyone goes looking for that title. Keep an ongoing pile for donation and encourage kids to be generous. The story they loved might bring adventure to a new reader because of their generosity! These tips can overlap into other areas too. Minimalism isn't a destination, it is a mindset. Be mindful of the season you are in and keep refining. Identity is an ambiguous concept. A quick search revealed thirty plus personality tests from the well-known Myers-Briggs to the recently re-popularized Enneagram. If this doesn't give evidence to humanity's obsession with our identity, I don't know what will. People use descriptive labels, their relationships or occupation in their attempts to identify themselves. Using those parameters - I am an INTJ, Reformer, wife, mother, writer, teacher, etc - but I am not the same person I was even a year ago. Our obsession with identity doesn't end there. Add the countless branches of religion and their subsets which reveal our efforts to interpret God's identity. Our attempts to understand, lead us to more labeling and staunch viewpoints that layer up over time creating our interpretation or perspective. Systems and methodology are born in our pursuit to define God, people, our reality, and ourselves by these accumulated beliefs. With that in mind - I believe in a loving God and strive to follow Jesus' example. I know my perception of God may not match yours. That is normal and okay! If you ask my siblings to describe our parents you would get differing descriptions. We are all unique and have our respective experiences that have shaped our individual relationships with each other. Our experiences will vary and naturally produce differing perspectives about God, too. Let's talk about fundamentals or the deal-breakers. Even what you think is fundamental probably differs from what I think is important. Sorry, not sorry! I am seeking to understand who I am but more importantly who God is. For me, I feel my identity is wrapped up with God's. When my experiences with God do not line up with my "knowledge" of what I've read or been taught, I must accept the challenge to keep seeking rather than angrily cling to something out of fear or allow myself to crumble. If I stop seeking and think I know, then I am in big trouble. Fitting God into a box of my finite understanding should be a given impossibility. The disciples appeared pretty thick at times and theologians have differed over the centuries, so I am okay with it taking a lifetime to discover or grasp. I was shaped by loving parents in an environment rich in spiritual religion. My childhood was a nice Christian bubble. I am grateful because my grandparent's faith transformation impacted generations to seek after God. I got to experience "church" in many cultures all teaching a variety of theologies. At home I was taught that God loves me and to be a friend before you share THE friend. That basic ideology has not changed in my mind. God wasn't forced on me, so I refuse to "evangelize" out of fear, through man-made strategy or out of guilt-ridden compulsion. The layers of religion are slowly being peeled away. This statement may scare some people, but I don't know a better way to describe the modifications. I only share my thoughts because I process best this way. This journey has been slow, sometimes painful and definitely personal. Whether it is the gentle patter of the keyboard, the scratch of pen on paper, or discussing it with a trusted friend, I thrive with puzzling things out. I'm getting warmer, but God's timing in revealing truth comes as I am open to receiving or revising. Being a life-long learner is one of my identifying traits. I thirst and curiosity runs deep. Maturity has taught me to wait and hear all sides. The same way a prosecutor's remarks can seem absolute or persuasive until you hear the defense, our initial interpretation without proper perspective is often faulty. It's a good thing we have a Spirit inside to guide us. I like absolutes, but I've had to get used to disappointment. The pendulum swing is real, polarity's pull is strong, and dynamic tension isn't always pleasant. It hasn't killed me but made my faith stronger. 1 Cor 13:9 talks about how we know in part. The freedom to seek was presented to me around the age of twelve. I brought my questions and doubts to my parents. They assured me that God instructs us to seek and was big enough to handle all my questions. That encouraging discussion started a deeper awareness of God's guidance. My frustration has grown when religious authority or culture tries to designate where and how I am permitted to seek or serve. At seventeen, when I was first on my own, the Spirit in me discerned how a spiritual authority was wrong and that experience strongly impacted me in my journey forward. Time has revealed more truths about modern missions, the current-day spiritual culture, ministerial expectations, healthy boundaries, resentments, and true freedom. I know my seeking will never be done. I have found greater peace in releasing religious custom and walking in greater awareness of my identity in God. I am a daughter of God created to bring glory by sharing my perspective of God's transforming journey in my life. I struggle in many areas. Some have been brought to light and gently dealt with or healed; others I am still blind to or need more rounds of wrestling to overcome. I continue to journey through one issue, one moment at a time.
One area of silly pride I held was the fact that I had never gotten drunk, until the day I did. The circumstances were right, and it happened. Rather than feeling that God was angry at me, I felt His gentleness. Through that situation, a gentle truth bloomed in my mind. BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I. It wasn't my incredible will power or self-discipline that had kept me from drinking to excess, sleeping around and getting hurt, cussing like a sailor or fill in the blank. This voice in my soul whispered of how every step I take is known. He walks with me directing, protecting, and loving even when I make bad choices. Allowing pride to build is naive and childish because any credit is due to His strength. In many ways growing up in the church and on the mission field provided a safe spiritual little bubble. Other surroundings and I would have chosen differently. I was never offered beer, drugs, or peer-pressured into anything. I was born into a healthy family in a privileged country. God is capable of shaping us no matter what circumstance we find ourselves in because none of it is a surprise to Him. I can only be thankful my childhood circumstances were pretty ideal. Another area I had pride about was relationships. I didn't date around and get my heart broken like a lot of my peers. I had a ton of secret crushes, but I probably would have dated a lot, if I'd been asked. Males around me were apparently intimidated by me. (Later several admitted that my confidence relegated me to their friend-zone.) I know God gifted me that confidence and strong childlike faith to protect me from myself. God wired into me a loyalty that would surface quickly. God blindsided me with my complimentary mate at the perfect time. We were friends who fell in love. We've been married twelve years and are still choosing love and balancing one another out. I get prideful about all sorts of ridiculous things. My kids behaving. The truth is my kids misbehave moments later. How I've never been pulled over. God knows I would have an anxiety attack and cry if I got pulled over. Pride about my house being clean. Truth is my house stays clean when my kids are asleep or out with their father, and I have time to clean it up without interference. Accomplishing a lot in a day. Often, I make productivity my idol and I'm trying to change that. By the Grace of God I accomplish or not. I shouldn't take the credit or put goals over relationships. God wired me and designed my personality. He knows what to protect me from and what I need to walk through to become more like Jesus. Like a good parent, He knows I seek best in the midst of the tough stuff. A complete life of ease isn't actually that beneficial for shaping character. A little pain or uncertainty and He gets my attention. I know if I had been brought up in a different set of circumstances, or around other people, I would be a different person. I am learning to be thankful in the midst of life's struggles. I still wish and pray for hardship to pass, but I try not to begrudge God the journey process in my life. He gently breaks down my pride and lavishes me with mercy, grace, and peace. But for the Grace of God, I am convinced, I could be pushed to the point of murder, theft, drug addiction, abuse, etc. I choose to trust that this path is for my good and that my God is good. I love the verse where it talks about giving so the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing. I write this not to trumpet my giving (which is measly), but rather to praise God for His.
Honestly, I have had a hard time being generous. I get fearful of giving away what I might need. Intellectually I know that God always has provided for all my needs and because of this my trust has grown stronger. Faith is something that is grown through experience and experience takes time. I am learning to not begrudge God the time it takes to journey with Him. God has shown me that His heart is generous, so mine needs to be the same way. Now when God brings to light a need, we try to meet it. I can't tell you how many times we have given only to turn around and have God bless us right back. It is impossible to out-give God! It can mistakenly seem easier to give when you have a lot, but no matter how much or little you have, fear tries to steal the opportunities to give. When we falsely believe that money equals security then we become ruled by a paycheck, our productivity or our own striving. My husband and I regularly remind ourselves who our provider is and to whom the money really belongs. Recently, we experienced several financial miracles. God made us aware of a family in need and we dropped of an anonymous donation. As we were pulling out of the parking lot we opened a card to receive back the exact amount we had just given. Talk about the fastest turn around ever! Right around this same time we were notified that our tax return would be the largest one we had ever received. We have continued to give as the Lord leads and He continues to bless us. We laughed at how God shows off. He really does own it all and we can't out-give Him. We have lost track of the amount of times where we have written the check or made the donation and we turn around only to have God bless us in return. Each time it happens we are delighted and our giving becomes even more cheerful as we try to give back to God. Like drops of water in an ocean is our giving, but I think He is pleased. 2 Corinthian 9:7 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. It has been fourteen years since I met my husband. We have been married for eleven of those years and had three children. Our oldest just hit double digits and our youngest is potty trained. The infant stages are behind us, but we are still in the thick of parenting. Our sleep may be better, but our mental battles are just beginning. Both of us have experienced job changes while parenting and juggling school and ministry alongside. We have had some rough days balanced with some beautiful ones.
Without the Holy Spirit to iron out our communication and expectations, we would not be happily married. The focus of God in our lives has solidified our mission. Being partners isn't always easy. There have been times of great connection and others where we start to feel like ships passing in the night. Marriage takes intentional work and a lot of prayer. Recognizing and making priorities to pull back is key to not becoming disconnected strangers. Having hit the mid-thirty mark, I find myself starting to feel more confident in my own skin. My weaknesses aren't as all-consuming, my strengths are more balanced and I find surrendering easier as well as asking for help. Finding the end of myself isn't as scary or disappointing. My boundaries are healthier because I recognize my people-pleasing for what it is and strive to let it no longer drive me. I am more comfortable with disappointing others because my focus is on pleasing Jesus. He is a lot nicer to me than I am to myself. Expectations are a killer. I am still learning to receive graciously. More than ever, I recognize that life has a rhythm of ebbs and flows. There are periods where survival is all you can manage, sprinting is fun, and passion is endless. Crawling and apathy can happen too! The kicker is we are often in a different mode than those around us. I think God designed this specifically so we rely on Him rather than those around us for support. It is so natural to want to give advice, but love is the safest thing to offer no matter what place a person is in. Listening is better. We need the example Jesus gives of going off to pray. Seeing that his human tank got empty is so enlightening. God created the seventh day for rest! Jesus couldn't always get away, however, and neither can we. Sometimes we have to keep plugging when we feel we can't. What has life taught me? When you get the chance to recharge - take it! Making rest a discipline is a must! My personality idolizes productivity, so I must be reminded of my priorities. The Spirit's gentle nudge to put people over projects is helpful. I want my goals to conform to a higher calling. I hate to admit I lose track of the primary relationship for which I am so desperate. God is constantly tugging me in and nothing does that better than pain and struggle. Rough times remind me how much I need him. He whispers, "Quit doing for me and just be with me!" As a family, we are pulling in to rejuvenate our spirits by getting in touch with THE SPIRIT. May His voice be heard, His presence felt and His will be done in us. When we start to flow out again, may it be with even greater grace and love in a beautiful overflow. My heart is burning and I cannot sleep. Recently, our path was diverted from disaster. Many of you who know us might think that it was diverted by disaster, but trust me when I tell you that your perspective isn't ours. This shift in priorities was beyond needed! God knew how to get our attention.
In life we often have these pendulum swings, because our beliefs are tied to a dynamic tension with the Spirit of God. He is trying to bring us to a peaceful balance but in our finite understanding we take a lesson all the way to the wall. He is gracious and allows us to swing one way and then nudges or knocks us back the other way. Maybe I am being too vague. Let me just put it this way. There is truth to the saying "too much of a good thing." God opened our eyes to how far we had strayed from our true values. We had slowly allowed the LOVE GOD and LOVE OTHERS value to become DO FOR GOD and DO FOR OTHERS. Our lives had become unmanageable. Now we have been set free. We are grateful believers in Jesus who struggle with codependency. Our codependency was with ministry. Godly advice had replaced the Holy Spirit in our lives and doing "too much" had enslaved us. Out of desperation we prayed and He answered! In recent years we have gotten wise to the necessity of healthy marriages. Date nights are preached and marriage seminars have become more prevalent. Our pendulum in Christian society has swung. But again we are missing the full picture. What about families? What about rhythms of life? We are still not seeing a balance! We are running the race like it is a sprint and wondering why we have trouble hearing from God or resisting temptation. Exhaustion is a bi-product of having productivity for God as an idol! Guilt and shame about service are felt. But my battered soul cries out for the examples of Jesus' mountain-top time. Who is modeling a discipline of rest? Are we encouraging sabbath in balance with service? I write this as your flawed sister. Rest is not your enemy. In the quiet God can speak. Are we too busy to listen? Stop asking him to join your agenda and see how you can join Him in the today. It is a battle of the mind to be still and know He is God. The battle is His not ours. Stop taking on what isn't yours to do. Ask and trust one moment at a time. So back to my mantra.... Lord let me walk humbly with you and be faithful in this moment. First, let me allay your fears, I don't know all your deep, dark secrets. The things you tell my husband in confidence remain in confidence. I have people assume that I know all about their situation and that simply isn't the case. I will smile and nod, but I probably am being enlightened by you! Truthfully, my husband's profession is too heavy for my heart, and he knows that. He is the counselor, not me. If you would like me to know something, so I can pray, please share with me. I will pray and cry or cheer alongside, but my empathy will not give you helpful counsel.
Second, am I proud of my husband? Yes. I get this question A LOT! Yes, I love his heart for helping people on their journey. The Spirit gives him the wisdom to cut through to the heart of situations. He is highly relational and I love the way God works through him. The kids and I pray for his protection and discernment to help the people God brings to his office. We are also thankful that his career keeps him attentive to the needs of his family as well. He has to practice what he advises! Third, Yes, I also get resentful! Hurting people are rarely respectful of boundaries. When clients fail to show, it is hard not to be resentful. I see that as a time we could have spent together as a family. Weighing other's needs, which are always an emergency to them, and determining what your response to them should be, is exhausting. I face a similar battle when fielding my children's constant questions, shrieks, and requests during the day. Sometimes, it is hard to have energy left over for each other at the end of the day or week. No one likes to struggle with guilt about giving leftovers to your loved ones no matter what your profession may be. -mom or counselor Fourthly, we need prayer and I ask you for it. We are constantly needing God's help to define our borders and safeguard our family time. Some of the topics of discussion in the office, as you may imagine, are heavy. It is hard to watch Josh care more about someone's struggle than they do. I do my best to bolster, but a covering of prayer is always welcome.
|
Mantras
Walk humbly with God and do the work at your hands.... Categories
All
Archives
July 2023
|