Sometimes I get a mystical moment in the early morning hours. I get up to use the bathroom and God downloads something into my head. Or a cough or a bad dream makes a child call for me and I am instantly by their side. Instead of feeling angry and tired, like I usually do at being awoken shortly after falling to sleep, I feel a strange calm and a sense of God's presence.
I am a light sleeper and often this has been a good thing. It gives me the edge to get the child to the bathroom before an accident or soothe someone back into sleep before they fully wake. This time when that small voice asks me to sleep with them, I couldn't resist their plea. Don't get me wrong. Too many nights in a row and I have no problem denying this type of request and going back to my own bed. Moms needs sleep people!
I don't sleep with my children; they are violent, restless sleepers. I've tried and been kicked in the face for my efforts. The only times they have been in my bed has been either due to nursing, fever or breathing issues. Otherwise, they have siblings to share a room with if they are scared. So, last night was really more a game of resting next to him until I sensed his breathing deepen. Sometimes the next day is difficult due to the interrupted sleep - aka Mama is grumpy!
Sleeping through the night has gotten better as they get older, but with three kids it is more often than not that one of them awakens me, either purposely because they feel sick or accidentally by kicking the wall, having a bad dream or needing to pee. (Apparently they are too asleep to remember how to go to the bathroom on their own?!) When I am not stretching myself thin, I am able to take these midnight opportunities to give one-on-one love and remember to praise the Lord for this child he has gifted me. My husband is a deeper sleeper so he often sleeps right through the majority of these wake up calls, but he is quick to help when needed.
These kids are not mine, but God's. Last night was one of those nights, that Jesus met me as I am waiting for my youngest to settle back to sleep. Peace and contentment filled me and for those few moments, I was glad to have been awoken. I wish I remembered to pray for them more often, but am still working on my prayer warrior status. Careful what you wish for! I don't want to be awoken every night Lord. Thanks anyway. ;)
You see, my husband had cancer in his adolescent years, so we had doubted the ability to even have children. The fact that we have three healthy children is a miracle! I confess I lose sight of this fact often, especially when I am tired and cranky. The noise level and requests of three healthy children is very all-consuming, but I am learning to give myself grace for simply surviving. I worked from home for about 5 years, but the demands of homeschooling alongside became too much to balance. I was tired of surviving and wanted to move to thriving.
It is Summer and I love these long days of unstructured games with them. Our schedule is relaxed and fun, but that means play dates and lots of noise. I really look forward to when their dad gets home and gives me some relief from the endless questions and requests! There are times we have a great balanced day, with read-alouds , puzzles, games and outside activity. There are days when it rains and I beat myself up for allowing too much screen time. In Florida, Summer is like Winter. You stay inside a lot or near a friend's pool. With two swimmers, I save the beach for when Daddy can come play lifeguard too and we better not stay too long or you fry. It is too hot to play outside the majority of the day. If it wasn't for the increase in playmates during the Summer months thanks to school being out, it would probably make more sense to school through Summer and take a break in the Fall. Fall through Spring is when you can live outdoors! For now though we live on top of each other and do our best not to get too cranky.
I love being a mom, but mostly I love those moments when I hear God tell me I am hitting the sweet spot.
Last night as I smoothed my son's hair from his head and lay next to him, I felt that peace of knowing... I am right where I am meant to be. I took a few extra minutes after I knew he was asleep to thank the Lord for him and watching his sweet face in slumber. I even tucked a finger in his little fist for a few tender moments. Then I slowly inched off his noisy bed to go back to mine; it was a comical sight! The things we do out of love for out kids include: snaking off to the floor, body party by body part, and crawling to the door so they don't hear our knee crack when we stand -true story!
God is so good to continually remind me that I am on the right path, or giving me a nudge to get back on it. I'm grateful He is always there when I call in the middle of the night too and He is always well rested and ready to love me.
Tapping into that peaceful moment and remembering to pray last night...
time in the dark, when everything was silent....
it was a mystical pause... and I remembered to pray!
May I do so more often!
When do you find the moment to pause? and pray?
My Current Mantra
Walk humbly with God and do the work at your hands....