It has been fourteen years since I met my husband. We have been married for eleven of those years and had three children. Our oldest just hit double digits and our youngest is potty trained. The infant stages are behind us, but we are still in the thick of parenting. Our sleep may be better, but our mental battles are just beginning. Both of us have experienced job changes while parenting and juggling school and ministry alongside. We have had some rough days balanced with some beautiful ones.
Without the Holy Spirit to iron out our communication and expectations, we would not be happily married. The focus of God in our lives has solidified our mission. Being partners isn't always easy. There have been times of great connection and others where we start to feel like ships passing in the night. Marriage takes intentional work and a lot of prayer. Recognizing and making priorities to pull back is key to not becoming disconnected strangers.
Having hit the mid-thirty mark, I find myself starting to feel more confident in my own skin. My weaknesses aren't as all-consuming, my strengths are more balanced and I find surrendering easier as well as asking for help. Finding the end of myself isn't as scary or disappointing. My boundaries are healthier because I recognize my people-pleasing for what it is and strive to let it no longer drive me. I am more comfortable with disappointing others because my focus is on pleasing Jesus. He is a lot nicer to me than I am to myself. Expectations are a killer. I am still learning to receive graciously.
More than ever, I recognize that life has a rhythm of ebbs and flows. There are periods where survival is all you can manage, sprinting is fun, and passion is endless. Crawling and apathy can happen too! The kicker is we are often in a different mode than those around us. I think God designed this specifically so we rely on Him rather than those around us for support. It is so natural to want to give advice, but love is the safest thing to offer no matter what place a person is in. Listening is better.
We need the example Jesus gives of going off to pray. Seeing that his human tank got empty is so enlightening. God created the seventh day for rest! Jesus couldn't always get away, however, and neither can we. Sometimes we have to keep plugging when we feel we can't. What has life taught me? When you get the chance to recharge - take it! Making rest a discipline is a must!
My personality idolizes productivity, so I must be reminded of my priorities. The Spirit's gentle nudge to put people over projects is helpful. I want my goals to conform to a higher calling. I hate to admit I lose track of the primary relationship for which I am so desperate. God is constantly tugging me in and nothing does that better than pain and struggle. Rough times remind me how much I need him. He whispers, "Quit doing for me and just be with me!"
As a family, we are pulling in to rejuvenate our spirits by getting in touch with THE SPIRIT. May His voice be heard, His presence felt and His will be done in us. When we start to flow out again, may it be with even greater grace and love in a beautiful overflow.
My Current Mantra
Walk humbly with God and do the work at your hands....