We were so impressed with how God blesses us that we wanted to start a journal that we can look back on to count our blessings. We want this journal to be a testament of God's provision and care for our family not only to remind us when things get rough but to also hopefully encourage others! 1/1/11 Took Dassa to the mediquick to find out she doesn't have croupe as we feared but a slight ear infection.
Thank you, God,
for knowing our budget and for providing as you always do!
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So, I was thinking in retro the other day and God showed me where I had been disobedient and made a wrong choice (a big, wrong choice). I was sobered. I started to live in the land of 'what ifs' and was saddened even more. God reminded be of His sovereignty and I was encouraged. He knew the decision I would make ahead of time, He allowed me to make it, and He has used it for His purpose. It came with incredible blessing even though I was sinful. Now, it is my choice whether I stay in the land of 'what ifs' and dwell on what might have been missed. It might have been even greater than I already have.
Or I can choose thankfulness for the fact that He has blessed despite my disobedience! I am humbled and so unworthy of His great love. How big He is to forgive in the midst of my rebellion and even choose to bless me instead of giving the punishment and discipline I so deserved. Thank you for your mercy, God, and for opening my eyes to see more clearly. May I not repeat past mistakes! This is day 12 of my fast. Despite having a small dizzy spell the other day, it has been fairly easy to give up food. I need to make sure I am drinking enough water! Thinking on the past was the first real spiritual eye-opener. I think it helped make my marriage stronger to discuss it with my husband. I am grateful that he is so supportive and walks with me in wanting God's best and God's will first, above all else. Having such an open relationship with my husband where we can talk about anything and everything honestly is no small thing. Thank you, God! 8 pounds lost since the fast started - 8 more till baby weight is off. Happy 2010!!
I am so excited about this new year! Maybe because God blessed us so much in 2009 that I can't imagine how he can top it this year, but every year he does! 2005 - I met my hubby, 2006 - I got engaged, 2007 - I got married, 2008 - I got pregnant, 2009 - I had Dassa, so what could be in 2010???? AND THOSE WERE ONLY THE HIGHLIGHTS! We had snow this morning too, so something is just magical about 2010. I am looking forward to a mission trip with my family this year! We are hoping for the end of July to be headed either to Ukraine or maybe even Guatemala. It will be Josh and Dassa-Beanie's first trip outside the USA. We are still in the planning stages but are pumped about the possibility. It is very important to me that my family travels. It gives you a bigger perspective of what God is doing in different cultures when you leave your comfort zone. It will be interesting to see how I handle bringing a child out of the country. My mom did it with four and I am oh so glad she did! I had an incredible childhood and the memories and experiences I wouldn't change for the world! I want them for my child too! She is a bit young to remember it, but it will get our feet wet as parents dealing with customs officials while towing a little toddler around. I am on day 8 of my fast and feeling good. 8 of 21. The longest I have ever fasted was ten days and that was back in 2005 so I am enjoying the challenge so far. Plus the perk of dropping 5 pounds. My prayer life has increased mostly because I lay down at night tired but it takes me a good hour to shut down my mind - thus the extra prayer time. We are doing liquids/soups so it isn't too extreme. I rarely feel hungry since a protein shake for vitamins really does fill me up. Makes me realize how little your body really needs to function. And we as an American culture really do stretch out our stomachs out. My goal, for after the fast, is to not stretch it back out! Easier said than done when we are surrounded by delicious smelling, artery-clogging treats! More later... Okay, so yesterday, I was called a domestic goddess... Pretty cool!
And then today, I had several God moments.... First off, I finally got air in my tires (thanks to Luke with the special pump) and planned to go on a bike ride with Dassa-Beanie. I had gotten the trailer all hitched except for the tiny metal piece that was nowhere to be found. Grrrr... I searched everywhere in the garage for a solid ten minutes. All the while, I was trying to keep Dassa from walking down the driveway, since the door was up. In defeat, I sat on the weight bench and asked God to help me find it. Turning my head, I saw a flash of metal in the back part of the trailer. If I was even sitting an inch to the right or left I wouldn't have seen it! So, after thanking God, I continued on with my bike ride to the park. I arrived and no one is there. My favorite is when there are no kids there! When tons of kids are there I usually come home with a headache. We swung on the swings for a bit, went down the slide a few times and then it was her nap time. We started to pack it up as someone else pulled into the parking lot. I noticed that they had not gotten out of their car and figured they were like me. They were probably waiting until they could have the park to themselves. As I was buckling Dassa-Beanie into the trailer, the lady finally came walking up with her small son. We both said a polite hello. She put him down to play and I thought I heard Russian. I got excited, but normally I am too chicken to say anything. I have had very little opportunity to practice my Russian language in the last eight years. I am embarrassed by my poor grammar. But I just couldn't go( a little prompting from the Lord or what!). So, I sucked it up and poke to her in Russian. We had a long conversation about people smoking at the park and loud disrespectful children and why we like quiet. Apparently we had more in common than I thought. Dassa-Beanie, no longer content with her sippy-cup, started to fussy, so we started saying our goodbyes. Again, I just couldn't leave. I didn't have anything to write my number down on since I had biked there. I doubted she would want to just hand out her number, but I asked if she wanted to swap numbers anyhow. I offered to call her phone and that way she would have mine. She agreed with a big smile on her face! It was so great to use my Russian in a real conversation again and meet another mom of a young child. Her son was 13 months and my Dassa-Beanie is almost 10 months. How perfect is that! Maybe she will never call or maybe we will have many more park dates, but either way, I felt the rush of listening to the Holy Spirit's prompts. I loved it! Thanks God for being so real and present in my life! March 1st was our 6-month mark.
I started looking back on the last few months. Most people say the first 2 years are the hardest, but so far it has been smooth sailing for us. Don't get me wrong. We have our moments of miscommunication and hurt feelings. You get that with best friends too, not just in marriage. Those moments have strengthened us, making us learn more about each other, how the other thinks, and how we could be more clear in expressing our wants and needs. It has really helped our marriage that we were friends first and love blossomed out of that. This weekend we went to Old St. Augustine. We walked around hand-in-hand enjoying the beautiful sunshine like we used to do when we were just friends. Minus the hand holding back then. It was so peaceful, we both wanted to fall asleep on the ride home. Josh was driving so he couldn't. Everyone has their fears about marriage. I didn't want to turn into a nagging wife or live with a domineering partner. I am happy to report that we are still best friends and neither of those things has happened. I love him more and more every day for the man he is striving to be for God, for the friend he is to me, and being a husband I can trust. I look forward to many more years of serving God together side-by-side, loving the beautiful life we have been given and enjoying the adventurous ride! The typical questions are coming from everyone so I figured I would answer them here.....
Are you excited about the wedding? ....of course! Are you anxious at all? ...not really Are you ready to be a wife? ...I don't know. I have never been one before, so I don't really know what to expect. I'm sure God will equip me as I learn the new position. How do you know he is the one? ...the more I try to explain it...the more it comes back to the typical answer that everyone hates to receive. "You just know." God gives you a peace about him and he loves the Lord as much as I do. Posted by Joshua on Tuesday~ You KNOW its cool when you just know. I can't explain it either. This is the last place I thought I would be, but it is and it's good. God speaks, I follow. God moves, I follow. What a way of life! It's so freeing and the misunderstanding is not 'how can you live like that?', but rather 'how can you afford not too?' God is alive and we will be living testimonies to that. I wouldn't want it any other way. With Jesus, with you and with His lead. Love you...) With school, tests, midterms, clinicals, studying, work, weddings, travel arrangements for the weddings, possible job changes, and future living arrangement changes, I have gotten a little stressed.
I was driving Josh nuts because I was just so stressed out. The short weekends together were/are bliss but it seems they replenish me for about a day. Then it is back to the grind. I was talking with Josh on my work break and he says to me "why don't you go home?". To me, this seems impossible because I have this unhealthy addiction to work and responsibility. Unless I am deathly ill, I do not feel right leaving! Regardless, I listened. Boy am I surprised (not!) to find out he was right. It didn't kill me to go home early. My boss didn't shout at me or get all disappointed in me. I still have a job tomorrow. I wasn't fired on the spot. I felt bad for the first few minutes but it passed and was replaced with such relief. It took me a few minutes more to actually relax but eventually, I remembered how. I found myself playing my guitar and singing praise songs. My guitar had gotten dusty in the last few months from disuse. My fingers now hurt but my heart and spirit are more at peace than they have been in weeks. Thanks, Honey, for again realizing when I am need of a little R&R at the throne and forcing me to get some. I love you! Thank God it is the weekend! Between school, work, studying and house stuff....yikes! Talk about feeling overwhelmed.
There are not enough hours in the day. On the upside, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Stronger physically, emotionally but most importantly, spiritually. Count it all joy right?! My God is faithfully carrying me through school as I fit it in studying on 15-min work breaks and before my eyelids droop at night. I have my first fire ride-along next Friday. Woohoo! I am excited and scared spit-less at the same time. Life is an adventure and not always easy. Exciting stuff. Obviously this season is not leaving me a lot of time for blogging, but trying to journal as time allows. The simplest thing in the world to do...be still. Or at least you would think it was simple. It doesn't take any special talent to do nothing. You don't need a degree, or even practice, to do nothing, but stopping everything even for a moment, in our world, seems so incredibly hard! And what about that second part of the verse? Know that I am God. How often do I let myself dwell on that? He is God!
All-powerful, All-knowing, Provider, Sustain-er, Creator, Lover, Friend, Comforter, Redeemer, Father, King, and Guide! Those descriptions fill me with such peace and happiness when I take time to dwell. Dwell in the knowledge that I am a child of God and ALL THAT IS REQUIRED: walk with him. I am working on making that my focus. Not how I am a good employee, a good student, a responsible daughter/sister/girlfriend/aunt. Not that I have exercised today, accomplished everything on my to-do list. Changing my focus to be simply: have I or am I talking with my Lord today and right now? I read a cool thing from "When I Relax I Feel Guilty" by Tom Hansel. It read, "But which would you rather have- a Christian reputation or Jesus Christ?" Most of our hurrying is supposedly for Him, but what does he want us to do? BE WITH HIM CONSTANTLY. Pray without ceasing. Sometimes my praying time is silent. I listen and rest in the presence of the divine. Ahhh! If only I could keep it going longer than a few seconds. One day I will be a prayer warrior! To be honest, the last year has felt like a rollercoaster. There have been so many emotional ups and downs. Simply crazy. I recently felt at the end of my rope and I came to an important discovery. I am incredibly selfish! Self-centered, and totally stupid! I wondered why I was feeling so all over the board and like a shock it suddenly hit me.... This past year I have been so preoccupied with what I wanted in my future: praying about my future, worrying about my future, wondering why I don't have any major goals or mission in life, and what my ministry or calling was. When were the few and rare moments I felt truly peaceful?! When I said, "God, it is all yours!" But then, like the idiot I am, I took back the worries and start praying for answers. I get so wrapped up in my little selfish world. So here is my findings: I am only happy, joyful, content, and excited about life when I am completely focused on my Lord! NOT THE FUTURE, NOT THE PAST, NOT EVEN THE PRESENT, but simply sitting at Jesus' feet. What is truly the only important thing???? Listen to Jesus when He is with Mary. He tells Martha that Mary has made the better choice. So, my challenge to myself is simply to spend more time sitting with Jesus! |
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