So, lying in bed last night I heard such noise in my head. God kept replaying my thoughts of late in my head. And in the silence of the night, I noticed the negativity that has replaced the joy I could/should have. I found myself trapped in a place I don't want to be...and sadly it is one of my own makings. I love mantras and my main one that I try to live by "Walk humbly with God and do the work at your hands" has slowly been replaced with some deep negative ones...really without my conscious consent. Honestly, I have been struggling with a bit of depression lately. I have allowed half-truths to steal my joy and rule my mind. I have three children and the youngest is only a few months old, so I can blame it on lack of sleep or being too busy to process life, but truthfully its lack of mental discipline. Perspective is powerful! Instead of seeing things through the happy/blessed filter fresh with God's new mercies every morning, I have allowed a moldy filter full of self-pity/fatigue to brew out nasty leftovers. (Can you tell I drink coffee?) So, like a play reel, God rolled my thoughts through my mind and challenged me to CAPTURE THE THOUGHT AND MAKE IT OBEDIENT TO HIM. Thought #1 - I have to stay home with 3 kids all day long; staying home is hard. Thought #2 - I have to homeschool because I want to see all my kids firsts, protect and shape them. Thought #3 - I get no little to no "me time". Thought #4 - I miss my freedom from when it was just my husband and me. Thought #5 - Being a mom is harder than being a dad. Now, don't get me wrong. Parenting is hard and there is an element of truth in all the above statements. BUT Perspective is everything! And we can choose to see things positively (the above thoughts all have negative emotions behind them) or we can allow "truth" to be colored by half-truths. So....the challenge... NOTICE - CAPTURE - RETRAIN Truth #1 - I am lucky to be able to be home with my children. Hard could be leaving them! And who says HARD is BAD?! Hard things can produce perseverance and discipline.
Truth #2 - I don't have to homeschool. I can try it and pray if it is best for my children each year as they grow and mature. I will never see ALL my kids firsts but I should treasure the ones I get to be a part of. And God is the only one who can protect them and shape them through whatever they face, good or bad, in life. Truth #3 - I get to get out once or twice a week by myself for a few hours which is more than some moms. I have a husband who encourages me to make time for myself and watches the kids to make that happen. I have family who watches my kids so I can attend work functions and have the occasional date night. Plus who says "me-time" is a right?! Choosing to be a married and/or be a parent means sacrificing some "me-time"....well if you want to be a good parent or spouse anyway. Truth #4 - Yes missing the past is normal, but just think how much you would miss your children if they were to not be a part of your present!!! And for some parents that becomes a reality so try to remember that your kids are a blessing to treasure for as long as you have them - tomorrow is not guaranteed! Truth #5 - Being a dad has difference stresses, like providing for the family (growing expense each year that your kids are alive...rent/mortgage...the lights on...food...diapers...shoes...college...weddings...etc). Dads have to try and balance being there for their wife and kids after working 40 hours or more to provide, while trying to stay healthy and workout (because no wife wants a husband on the verge of a heart attack), and trying to have some "me-time" of his own so he has something interesting to talk to his wife about after being married for 10 years. There are always two perspectives and it is easy to lose your spouse's!!! (TRUST ME I WILL NEED TO COME BACK AND READ THIS PARAGRAPH MANY TIMES!) ********* *********** ********** ********** ********* If you notice he lies are short little mantra like statements easily repeated in your head, so no wonder they drown out the truth. It takes work, aka discipline, to: notice the lie... capture it.... and retrain your mind with TRUTH Lord, thank you for keeping me up last night and showing me the hard truth about my thought life lately. Thank you for restoring perspective . Please give me the extra energy it takes to discipline my thought life, see truth and choose joy...
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We have three children now and I kept on joking that I am intravenously taking my caffeine. Well, now I find it actually exists! Maybe this product can help?! Don't believe me? Click the picture! We have a smart 5 year old, a sneaky 3 year old and now a baby boy. I keep hearing that I am in the toughest stage of life. I am starting to believe them!! Between dealing with the emotions of my 5-year-old who is super smart and testing her boundaries, the silent, sneaky, crafty, ninja 3-year-old who likes to get into things she knows she is not supposed to while I am changing diapers and my son, who is just starting to give me longer stretches at night but poops every other thing and wants to be talked to 24/7 .... I am feeling stretched to say it nicely!! (Can you say run on sentence!) Add on top of that: Trying to keep a house cleaned Coming up with meals for picky eaters Cleaning up their messes left and right Keeping our doctor visits and insurance up to date (researching a new dentist too!) Doing media presentations for every Friday's CR Printing off counseling papers and other misc things for my husband Prepping Sales each week for my TOH job plus other misc assignments Helping my neighbor with designing a website (I really like helping people with techy stuff!) Homeschooling the oldest (Kindergarten/1st Grade) while not leaving the middle one out. (Preschool) And we are left with: Squeezing in leg lifts while playing on the floor with my son so I can say I did some exercise! A Bible App for devotions while going to the bathroom so I don't become a heathen... Chugging coffee so I don't have to start the intravenous drip of the stuff @@) ..Oh and did I mention I try to blog as my sanity break?! - HA! From the choice of having children, whether biological or through adoption, there are thousands of choices to make.
Here are just a few:
The variations of choices that shape our children seem endless! The same choices that are agonizing for you may be easy for others and vice versa. Who is to say which combination of all these variations will bring about the healthy, well-balanced human beings we hope to bless society with and which ones will set up spoiled entitled brats? Now, if all children were the same - temperament, learning styles, etc - we could assume that the above choices have the same effect and a right and wrong could be determined. There are countless parenting books that seem to make sense but only contradict the next one you pick up. The Bible has some parenting advice too, but as scripture is open to interpretation even seemingly clear rules seem gray. It can seem overwhelming when you start to stack all these choices into a list and start googling the pros and cons or even discussing them with friends. If you had great parents you might just try and copy what they did or if you had horrible parents you might go the opposite way. Peer pressure, social media and the government only make it harder to make these choices. Fears start to shape your parenting - fear your friends will think you are too strict or too lenient, fear that others will think your kids are spoiled or lacking in some way, and fear if you discipline too hard the government will take your kids away or if you don't discipline enough your kids will end up a juvenile delinquent. I can't imagine trying to parent on my own. Single parents are amazing to me! By the time 5 pm rolls around, I admit, I start listening for the sound of the garage door opening, meaning my husband has returned. I also have a mother, mother-in-law, sister-in-laws, and friends I can call to help restore sanity and think out parenting strategies when I am overwhelmed. Sometimes we have to agree to disagree with what is best for our children too. After all, our children are not going to be exposed to, or go through all the same things as another's children. But instead of letting our choices divide us, we should allow the decision-making process to unite us in prayer for God's direction for each other and be okay when God guides others differently. He places the children and He is trustworthy! But at the end of the day, I have to come back to the one truth that brings me the most peace no matter what choices I have had to make... These children are not mine. They are on loan to me by a God who is sovereign and He chose me for them. So, when we start to feel overwhelmed by fears, we need to recognize who's we are, who's our kids are and trust the Holy Spirit to guide us in our choices. Replace fears with His love. We can't go wrong when we invite Him into the equation. AND whatever happens is not a surprise to Him and He works all things for the good of those who love Him. I have been very blessed to have three great pregnancies. Each one has gotten slightly harder, but I really can't complain and I can't see much difference when I look at the pictures. I am currently in my 32nd week of my third pregnancy and wanted to get this comparison article down before I forgot the details.
Pregnancy 1. My first pregnancy was in 2008-2009 and was not planned. It was hoped for but was a pleasant surprise on Father's Day to see those + signs. I had mild nausea the first trimester. I continued to work part-time as a waitress right up until the month before I gave birth when lifting heavy trays got difficult. I was so enamored with the changes and spent time talking and singing to the baby in utero, but enjoyed being able to put my feet up after work. I gained about 35 pounds with my first daughter and ate coffee ice-cream almost nightly. The third trimester with the onset of heartburn definitely kept the ice cream coming. She came on her due date. It was a 21-hour labor, but only 40 minutes pushing. 7-pound baby girl. Pregnancy 2. My second pregnancy was intentional in 2010-2011. Around the time my first was 16 months I was charting and taking my temperature (family awareness method). We tried for three months and then I fell off the wagon with my charting. Our anniversary rolled around and we ended up conceiving our second daughter over our anniversary weekend. I like to think it was God's way of reminding me he is in charge of life, not me. I had been rollerblading or running Monday through Friday which really had helped me get back down to my pre-pregnancy weight. My midwife allowed me to continue this throughout my pregnancy since I had been doing it. I had similar pregnancy symptoms of nausea and heartburn, but having another little one to watch and potty train kept me pretty busy. I remember the hip pain at night in the last trimester again, but still knew a lot of friends who had it worse. I still gained about 35 pounds. She came 9 days early. It was a 12-hour labor with 12 minutes of pushing. 7.5-pounds baby girl. Pregnancy 3. I am 32 weeks into my third pregnancy and I have been craving more salty things than sweet. I have had even more nausea and heartburn starting in the first and continuing throughout. I had a metallic taste in my mouth about the end of the first trimester which was new and continued off and on into the second trimester. We have been eating healthier but with the two girls and working from home I have not had much energy left over for working out. :( I had lost all the weight after baby #2 but then gained 10 back right before finding out on Josh's birthday we were pregnant again. We were happy but really hoping for a boy so we could round out our family and get that done feeling. Very relieved to have our prayers answered at the official ultrasound!! We had to have a second ultrasound to check out his kidneys since he appeared to have some water on them at the first one (apparently this is pretty common for boys.) Happy to report they checked out at the appropriate levels. I have only gained 20 pounds so far but am assuming there might be another 5 or so in these last few weeks and trying to not let that bother me since it is part of the process. We are praying for a short labor, one push- no tears supernatural birth. Please feel free to pray with us on that! ...update after His birth with the details... Our son's labor was a little over 3 hours. I was 9 cm by the time the midwife got here but had to push a cm of the cervix for over an hour. Once that was out of the way it was only 6 minutes of pushing until he was out. He weighed 7 pounds 8 ounces and was 20 inches long. He was born at 6:39 pm on June 7th. His head was trying to come out sideways and his cord was wrapped once like his sister's. So my kids continue the bungee-jumping tradition. No tears, so two out of three prayers answered. I had a lot of pelvic pain and did most of the labor standing. He is here and beautiful and our last. Recently, I read an article on the internet, don't ask me where. It was about a mom who decided to strip her daughters' room after observing their deteriorating behavior and increasing expectations on a vacation. She left a sheet and one stuffed animal each. My first reaction was equally mixed between,"Go mom!" and "A bit over the top?" I went on to read her daughters' reactions at the end of the day, 6 months later and on the next family vacation. In case you were wondering, it worked! Now, she did end up giving some toys back but most she kept for cycling in every few months, or if they weren't educational she gave them away. Her girls' reactions by the end of the day were far from what I expected. They claimed they would just use their imaginations more and there would be less to clean up. Six months later with 5 toys each being cycled in or special toys brought down upon special request, they were using their imaginations more as well as playing independently better. On the next family vacation instead of begging for souvenirs like previous times, they were present in the moment enjoying quality time with their family- WHAT!? So, as you must have gathered from the title... I started my own experiment!! My daughters will be 5 this month and 3 in May. They have been royally spoiled by their loving relatives and no matter how many toys break, are given away or cycled to bring down in the future, they somehow manage to turn each room into a tornado of toys, crayons and misc articles of clothing. I am pregnant with my third,(a son - yay!) and am having a harder time bending over without heartburn flare-ups. Finding this article just saved me from dumping all their toys in the garbage can. *Disclaimer I have given away their toys when they have outgrown them, but I always asked which toys they loved most. I encouraged them to share with others. I have threatened to give their toys away to other children when they don't care for their toys properly and yes even once brought out a trash bag to fill after repeated requests to clean their rooms were ignored. Their reaction when I started packing things up were tears, thinking I was giving their toys away. I explained that we were going to try an experiment to help them not have to always pick up an entire room by themselves each night. I had gotten the question from my almost 5-year-old, "Why do we always get the hard jobs?" REALLY!? They calmed down after hearing that I was trying to help them. I did put some toys away to bring out later when they weren't looking. Anything with small pieces like puzzles or card games got put - WAY UP! - to pull down with mommy's supervision or for special family time. I took all their food and misc kitchen toys and packed them in a big bag which hangs up where they cant reach it (green bag in the picture). I took all their tiny people and pets with their painful accessories (the ones that bring out swearing when you try to check on your kids in the middle of the night!) into another bag hung the same way (clear bag in the picture). Another bag holds their building blocks and yet another bag for all their pretties (necklaces, hair bows, and accessories). The books have a shelf, their dress-up clothes have hooks for dresses and a tub for the rest and lastly, all the stuffed animal (which I keep trying to get rid of but multiply like rabbits!) are way up in a net. Rules are in place that nothing comes down until the last thing is picked up. It has been about a week and this momma is very happy so far! Not only does this preggers have to bend over much less but my girls have seemed less overwhelmed and already are showing greater appreciation for their toys. They still have far too many toys as far as I am concerned but there is no fixing that with family members who are determined to spoil no matter how much I plead. Plastic kitchen toys get played with for hours instead of seconds and the regular picking up is becoming a habit instead of something they try to weasel out of doing. I wanted to cry at the end of each night when I looked at their playroom, so I can't really fault them for not wanting to pick it up any more than I did. But caving even occasionally and allowing them to go to sleep with cluttered rooms was not only dangerous but self-defeating for the next time I asked them to clean. The restriction may seem cruel, but it will save us a lot of heartache! I still have hopes of finding more ways to organize the house and give things away to keep life simple. Please share your tips on how you have helped your home be more organized! Or share other methods to show children the value of things, sharing and helping around the home. I look forward to hearing your tips! There are days when I can't even have a sane thought. I seem to flit back and forth between sanity and insanity so many times a day that I get so tired of even trying to distinguish between the two. I have moments of clarity where life feels balanced and that I am managing all my responsibilities well and moments where I really just want to crawl under the covers and hide from all the things and people pulling at me. In my saner moments, I recognize that the hormones and emotions that overwhelm me, that ruin my perspective and that distort everything, are due to the increasing blueberry growing inside me. I should allow myself more grace, but I really want to quit allowing emotions to dictate my actions. Somehow, I keep moving and get done what I need to get done. The constant emotional war for reality and the perspective of Christ to remain in control rather than emotion and frustration is wearing me down. My devotion this morning was on the Sabbath and how it is one of the 10 commandments we break most often without blinking an eye. God made it a commandment because He knew we needed it! My mind says, duh, of course! But guilt, society and even my own inability to nap are at war with this concept of rest. It seems lazy and wrong even when I can consciously acknowledge that a nap would restore my energy, my joy, and proper perspective...I balk at the idea because I know my mind. I have attempted naps, but my mind goes into immediate overdrive with lists upon lists of things I could/should be doing as soon as I lay down. These lists contain everything from housework, to work work, to ministry, web design, schooling my children, writing this.... you can name a few more to-do's I'm sure. So, what do I need? I need the biggest chill pill in history! I keep seeing how God is trying to remove a thing from my plate and I gratefully pile it back up with different things....and pile it high! I listen to society and see what others are doing and my own lists aren't long enough. I feel unproductive, ungodly and guilty.... guilty of being lazy, of being a poor mom and a poor wife, daughter, niece, employee, person period. I'm sure there are a couple more blanks you can add to my list. How do I take a Sabbath and make it Holy? I don't even know what that looks like! Satan is such a stealer of peace and joy. Even if you manage to find some peace and rest, satan will give you a nice dose of self-guilt to try and prevent you from enjoying it. This constant striving/perfectionism/ pride is going to be the death of me....if...I don't stop and cry for HELP!!! Jesus, please help me to grasp the concept of a Holy Sabbath! Help remove the guilt I have associated with rest and impress on me the need for your peace and rest regularly in my life. Let me seek after you more than I seek to complete my to-do lists! Help keep your perspective in the forefront and not my emotions. I want to abide in your Spirit and know true relationship/unity with you! HELP ME PLEASE BECAUSE I CANNOT DO LIFE WITHOUT YOU!! I think the most exhausting thing about having kids is that there is no off switch. How many times have u wished for the sliding soundproofed window to slide up in the car? Or to be able to hit pause so your favorite whatever doesn't get broken into bits by that climbing toddler or rough-housing teen? Or a nice sleep button for those newborn infant nights or childhood nightmare evenings?! This week has been so overwhelming mostly due to interrupted sleep. I love my children, but more than anything, I wish during, the 8 hours of sleep I need to be nice, my mommy alarm wasn't so sensitive. Every time I hear a cough or someone get out of bed to use the bathroom I wake up and then end up tossing and turning to get back to sleep. My husband has this uncanny ability to only be awoken when it is necessary for his intervention or comfort. When the kids are sick, had a bad nightmare he awakes. If throwup sounds are heard and cleaning is needed, he is there. Somehow he stays asleep through the majority of their nighttime noises. The sad part is I can even hear them over my white noise rain app! Oh, how I wish we were done with the sleepless stage but I hear for most it never truly passes. If it's not infant cries, it's childhood night terrors, night owl teenagers, and then empty nesters insomnia keeping you awake. So bear with me if I seem a little out of sorts this week. ;) I promise I will return to my normal, rational self once I get a solid 8 hours. Still, wish I had that remote to mute or pause time. I would love to have a rational thought or time to process. For now I will have to dream....errr daydream ;) My friend Cori and I gathered some moms together for a homeschool chat/playgroup. We hope to do more gathering in the future with moms at parks, for field trips and to encourage each other through the homeschool process.
A sanity recess for moms! We might eventually and prayerfully turn it into a coop but for now, we are just a moms group. I am excited to see where the Lord leads us but it was very encouraging to share ideas, curriculum, deals and basically remember that we are not alone in this! There is a Flagler Christian homeschool group I may join when the girls are older and we get more serious but for now this smaller group is nice. We share our findings and ideas in our Facebook group - Savvy Home Learning. Ladies, put your face here and claim superhero status! I have my days where I feel like I am a great mom. I take the time to read books aloud, snuggle, affirm my kid's strengths and hand out healthy snacks. I don't raise my voice but take the time to calmly explain consequences and encourage the proper choice. I answer deep theological questions and make play-dates and library trips while teaching math or delivering explanations on why there are blue skies some days while clouds on others. I do this cheerfully with the utmost patience seemingly up to the 500th why question. There are even days that I can add taking care of the house and greeting my husband with a kiss and a "How was your day dear?" If I got the proper eight hours, you might even see me strollerblading or jump on the treadmill to take care of myself as well. These are the days I want to post on Facebook because I seemingly have my crap together...that day. It's natural to want to appear as the Supermom, but when I recently got called a Supermom, I wondered if it was a good thing or bad....? Life is all about balance, right?! Some days you got it and some days you don't. It is important to capture our thoughts and dwell on the positive. We want to be an encouragement to others, maybe being human and transparent would be more helpful. Sure, we want to know there is a silver lining, or an end to the storm(toddler-hood, teenage years), but hearing about the storm itself can be encouraging! Because to ignore the storm and only talk about sunshine seems like a lie! I feel less alone when I watch another minivan pull through the Dunkin Donuts driveway for that mom to receive her sanity-caffeine jolt. I feel better when I hear a mom threaten to spank her child when the kid is acting rebellious. I feel incredible when I overhear another mother's talk about laundry piling up and dirty dishes in the sink when they are out at the park allowing the kids to play. Why?! Not because I am glad they are having it rough too. Not because I want an excuse to slack off because, by comparison, I am doing pretty good. I am glad to hear it, because I'm tired of feeling guilty and alone!! There is an awful amount of guilt going around and it seems to start compiling the moment you become pregnant. Guilt over what you eat, or how you exercise (or don't exercise) while pregnant. Where you choose to deliver...with drugs or not. Whether you choose to (or are able to)breastfeed or not. If you choose to vaccinate fully, partially or not at all. When your child becomes sick you blame yourself for their exposure to germs and then debate when/if you should take them to the doctor. Should you use traditional medicines or herbal remedies? Should you allow them processed foods and chicken nuggets? Should you allow dairy, or soda, or candy or pizza? Do you send them to school or homeschool or hire a tutor? Do you allow them to date or lock them in a tower?! The list goes on and on and on... So, here is my truth: There are days where I get the majority right and feel awesome about my calling to be a mom; I aced the test type days! But this past week I was stormy. Being trapped inside allowed me little respite and therefore my cape got very dirty and at times came completely off! A gentle nudge reminded me on more than one occasion that I didn't have to wait until tomorrow for the sun to come out. I have an inner source I can tap into. The Son is good at restoring capes, tempers, and sunshine. I am learning to stop in the midst of my storm (anger, depression, fatigue) and praise Him for each moment a ray of sunshine pokes through! I can pray my way from a tropical depression to at least a partly cloudy day. ;) We can wallow in our imperfections or we can choose to praise God for the moments we got right today and trust Him that tomorrow will be even sunnier with His help. Our capes may not be spotless, but with His help, we can still be a Supermom in their eyes! I know! Weird title, but its the truth!
This week I went walking on a trail with a friend and our children only to come back and find out that my car window had been broken and my purse snatched. Thankfully it is more diaper bag than a purse, but yes my wallet was stolen. My sweet friend stayed with me the entire time even though she had a tired baby with her(angel #1). My husband "happened" to be less than a block away when I called him so he was able to come riding in like a "white night on his white...err truck ;) He was able to make the insurance calls and stop our cards and such as I dealt with writing a police report - First ever at 29 years old. I am pretty fortunate to make it this long without needing the police, especially in this day and age! Traumatic yes, but I feel so blessed that no one was hurt, even with curious children getting too close to shattered glass for comfort. The police officer was very nice and looked into the suspicious vehicle my friend had gotten the tag number from and explained all the steps I should take to get the issue resolved. The children thought it was terribly exciting that the officer was gonna get the bad guys! The next day I received a phone call from a bank out of state that had a suspicious attempt to cash a check with my id and debit card. They weren't successful and I will have my ID back in a day or two. (I heard later from the sheriff's department that 9 out of 10 times this scheme works!) We found out our insurance deductible was too high to cover the cost of a new window and were really bummed out since we have a lot of weddings coming up, tuxes to rent, and all our bills were moved to one week in the month causing some discomfort. But God heard our frustration and sent some friends (angels#2&3) to our door who not only paid for our window to be fixed but brought a new purse stocked with all kinds of goodies including a pretty diaper pod to replace the one I had lost and missed. If that wasn't enough good news because the thieves were able to use our card here in town before they left for Georgia we got footage of them on a security tape and the deputy thought he knew one of them from our town. Normally these are teams that move from Tampa to New Jersey jumping on and off I-95 hitting up gyms and parks where moms exit a car without a purse. They smash a window, gas up and head on the road. Thankfully the footage may lead to an arrest here in town and we can have a safer town. Someone else from our church recently had this same thing happen, so hopefully, we can be a small part in ending these happenings! So needless to say, I am feeling Joseph's quote in the bible when he talks about what was meant for evil being used by God for good! Our faith and security in God were not shaken, but strengthened! Our silly insurance which was really no security at all, allowed us to experience God-surance! We saw tangibly that God is sovereign and he is all the security we need!! Count it all joy!!! |
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